What Goes On In My Heed!!!

WHERE CAN I GET IT THOUGH???

Well I've had a few bad days recently. I am trying to stay positive but I can't keep it up and today I had yet another sobbing fit in front of my counsellor.

I admit that it's good for you to cry, but all of this should have happened last year. Why is it taking so long to come out? I'm having lousy nights leading to me being tired all day, which in turn makes me more run down and depressed and at the moment the slightest thing is triggering me.

I'm crying for me, I'm crying for my mum and dad, I'm apologising to them for not being able to stop them dying, even though I know no-one not even the experts could stop it happening.

I'm so mixed up it's driving me mad. Got befriender coming tomorrow so I'll have a chat with him about it and see what he thinks.

Sorry to sound so miserable I promise to still try to be positive in these posts, but please bear with me. I'm not normally THIS bad.

Take care

Not had too bad a day today.

Firstly played the organ this morning, once a month the service is in the morning, the rest of the time it's in the afternoon. I prefer it in the morning to be honest, then I have the rest of the day for whatever I want to do.

So anyway, went this morning and played, then went to my cousins sons birthday party, he's 1 and I actually enjoyed it (there's hope for me yet?). Got back just in time to watch the F1 Grands Prix, now watching "Eight Legged Freaks" whilst typing on here (see even men can multitask lol)

It's so humid here, has been all day. I'm surprised there's not been a storm yet.......probably wait till I'm in bed lol.

Take care

Would you believe it was 4am when I got to bed ?

I had been talking to devilish_jelly_beanz till the wee small hours (always a pleasure ) and decided I was finally going to bed (would be somewhere between 12 and 1.) So I signed off MSN, but left my Yahoo Messenger signed on whilst I waited for my computer to finish off what it was doing.

Suddenly this message popped up from someone I hadn't spoken with for quite a while.

I've been a member of a couple of internet role play groups (no, not THOSE sort lol) but they have long since died a death, and this message was from another former member of one of those groups. She lives in the U.S. so had just signed on.

We chatted for a while mostly about what had happened to the group, then she suggested the two of us starting our own rpg. I agreed and so at sometime in the twighlight hours of this morning, as the birds sang the dawn chorus, our group was born.

If you want to check it out (no this is NOT an ad lol) then you will find it at:

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/VARIETY_RPG

Anyway out singing tonight so won't be about later, hence the earlyness (that a word.....? ) of this post

Take care

Well what a day I've had .

I took my car for MOT today, it was supposed to go Wednesday but I had a hospital appointment (the O.T. one). I was very nervous because my car's quite old, also I'm driving for a wedding in 2 weeks time and I wouldn't have a lot of time to get it mended if it failed. It passed though YAY!

Unfortunately that's the only thing that has gone right. The electricity man turned up this week and read the meter, so that's another bill on it's way. Had the phone bill this morning and paid that. I wouldn't mind but I've no money coming in at all (that's a very long story that I won't bore you with).

Had my phone in my pocket and it accidentally switched on and because it wanted the code and with moving around the keys were being pressed, it had the wrong code put in and so it blocked. So had to get puk code for it.

These might seem trivial to you but it's these small things that add up, I'm not very good at the moment anyway and I've had several days like this.

I feel at the moment that I want to join my mum and dad but I know I can't......yet.

Sorry if I sound miserable, I didn't plan on my blog sounding like this and I hope I get over it. We'll see.

Anyway take care.

Firstly I think I should apologise for my post last night, but only for the attitude with which it was written. Not all people go for looks despite what others might think, but they're the ones whom are hardly ever wanted if these personals are anything to go by. I'm one of them and the more women ask for their "perfect man" the more left out I feel. So I was having a rant, I'm sorry but it's how I feel.

Incidentally why are all the women I like either already spoken for or not interested? It's not fair!

Anyway, had befriender come to visit this morning which I enjoyed, then had to go to hospital this afternoon. I severely damaged my arm about 8 months ago and the consultant advised against an operation, so I had to go to the Occupational Therapy (Rehab) dept. where I met two very nice therapists. Unfortunately all I came out with was a catalogue of disability gadgets which I have to order from. The stuff in there's so expensive though I think I'll find a way to work around it, its alot cheaper

See ya.

What is it with women these days?

I am sent personal dating ads by e-mail from Yahoo Personal's SUPPOSEDLY matching my answers to a list of needs and must haves (?).

Thing is EVERY one of them wants a guy that's 6 feet 8, tanned, millionaire (or a million quid a week job), six-pack, body chiselled from granite, member of MENSA, "Prince bloody Charming".

What chance do I have? Sorry girls but it ain't gonna happen. For a start, guys like that don't exist and if they did, would they really have to read the personals?

Please do us mortal men a favour, ask for someone normal with a beer belly, looks not important, employment status not important etc.

Please go for personality

Catch you later

Yep another quiet day today.

I thought that chocolate was supposed to be good for depression? Well it doesn't work with me I'm afraid, especially how much I've had today I imagine that it's because everyone's different. Thank god for that, another like me? doesn't bear thinking about

I learned how to make an avatar today which was good, so the day wasn't completely wasted full day next couple of days which will be better.

Ghosts of Mars is on in a bit so I'll watch that then I think bed.

Take care and catch you later.

It's been a funny day even for a Sunday.

To start with I had a quiet morning, no F1 to watch and I can't really go anywhere because I play the organ at a local chapel every week (I'm not religious but there's no-one else to do it, besides it's practice for me). The service is usually middle of the afternoon, but I have to prepare before I go.

Plus the fact that today was Fathers Day so I wasn't feeling very happy.

One thing you should know is that I lost both of my parents to illness in April last year. Mum died of cancer on the 17th and exactly ten days after, Dad died of heart failure. So things like Mothers Day and Fathers Day and anniversaries are pretty emotional times.

So after getting ready for Chapel, I bought a bunch of roses and went to the grave. My brother, sister in law and niece had already been and so I put my flowers in one of the other pots we have on there. Then I went to play the organ.

We are currently having the Chapel done up, so I had to play the organ in the school room, which was different as it's my own organ.

Then after that, I came home and installed Yahoo Messenger on my PC.
First person I chatted with.....Devilish_Jelly_Beanz

Wasn't on there for long because I then had to get ready to go out. I sing on karaoke every week and I've only just got back.

So now I'm going to bed.

See you soon and take care

Hope this works,

WOW it has lol. Yay I got it right (thank you Devilish Jelly Beanz for the help x).

Well Hi to everyone reading this, as you've probably gathered, this is my first time....yes I'm a virgin!

I hope to put here stuff that goes through my heed (head) which maybe funny, maybe serious, maybe depressing, maybe enjoyable who knows, even I don't know so we'll see. One thing I can can tell you from the start is that I'm a complete nutcase, so this should be good

Anyway that's my intro so catch you later.